👩⚕️ An immersive internship
Part 5: Setting up the catheter
⚠️ This is a work of fiction
⚠️ Reproduction and distribution prohibited
As soon as the car engine stops, I grab the keys to the apartment that my mom is holding in her hands and rush to open the door.
"Wait, says mom, catching up to me, don't go to the bathroom right away."
"Why? I say as I turn the key to the front door."
"Let's go in and close the door."
The door is open, we enter and the door is closed.
"I want you to try to pee in your diaper, Mom says."
"But why? We are at home, and you told me I could go to the bathroom here."
"That's true, but I want to make sure you can do it. You know, the brain is a complex organ and it has learned that you should only pee in the toilet."
"So what? I ask, eager to go to the bathroom."
"I'm afraid it might prevent you from peeing in your diaper... Will you please try?"
"Now? I say, squeezing my groin with my hands."
"Please Loïc..."
"Ok... I say, seeing that mom won't let it go."
I then try to open the floodgates, to tell my bladder to let go, to pee, but nothing comes out. Mom advises me to slowly bend my legs, to imagine myself in the bathroom. She and I then go to the kitchen where she opens the water tap because, apparently, this can trigger a urine evacuation. Meanwhile, I am in more and more pain. It's incredible to have to pee and not be able to go, mom was right in saying that the brain is complex. So, a little stressed, mom sends me to the bathroom where I can finally relieve myself after lowering my pants, underwear and diaper. It doesn't stop flowing, and even after finishing, it still hurts a bit in my stomach.
"Do I have to put the diaper back on? I shout to mom from the bathroom."
"You can take it off for now, mom shouts from the kitchen."
So, dressed normally, with my diaper in hand, I return to see mom who is typing on her phone.
"I'm making you an appointment with the doctor," she says when she sees me. I got a spot in a few days.
"But what are we going to tell him?" I ask.
"Exactly, I also looked up the causes of incontinence in children and we have two possibilities: tell him that you have been having problems recently or say that it's congenital."
"But won't he want to do examinations on me?"
"That's why I think we should go with the second solution. So if he believes it's congenital and we tell him we just kept your medical records, maybe he won't try to find out more and will give us that medical certificate."
"Do I have to wear a diaper to see him?" I ask.
"Of course, yes, he wouldn't understand otherwise. It is absolutely essential that you manage to pee in it, Loïc. Ideally, between the start of the consultation and the end, you will have managed to pee in it."
"But do you really think he'll believe all this?"
"Exactly, he has to. If he doesn't believe it, he'll want to do further tests, and there's a risk he'll realize you're pretending."
Mom and I discuss these few days ahead of us, and we agree that I will have to wear a diaper and try as soon as possible to pee in it.
So that's what I do a little later in the afternoon, but I can't do it. I end up going to the bathroom. The next times, it's the same thing. Despite mom's advice, nothing works during two days of trying.
"I'm sorry mom," I say, coming to hug her as she sits on the couch.
"It's not your fault," mom comforts me, hugging me back.
"How are we going to handle the appointment with the doctor tomorrow?"
"I may have a solution but..."
"But what? What's this solution?"
"With my job as a nurse," mom starts to tell me, "I've learned to insert a catheter that allows urine to drain from the bladder. This catheter is like a tube that goes from the bladder to the outside of the body. We install this in people who can't go to the bathroom, and the urine flows into a bag that is attached to their leg."
"And you want me to wear that tomorrow? Does it hurt?"
"I think it would be a good idea. And no, it doesn't hurt at all. If you agree, I'll go buy one now."
"If it can help our case, I'm willing to do it."
"Thank you, sweetie. I'll be back soon, there's a medical equipment store 10 minutes from here."
During mom's absence, I think about this conversation and what I have just agreed to do. I hope I won't regret it.
When mom comes back, she has a plastic bag filled with many things.
"Did you find it?" I ask her.
"Yes, I bought everything we need. Can I show you?"
"Okay!"
Mom then unpacks a bunch of boxes on the living room table. I can read on one of them "Coloplast Folysil pediatric straight urinary catheter x 5", on another "Betadine Scrub 4% foaming" and yet another "Coloplast Conveen ambulatory urination bag x30 - 750m". I can also see other small boxes.
"That's a lot of stuff," I say a little worried to mom.
"Don't worry," mom says smiling, "It's something I'm very good at, I've done it many times before."
"But mom, do I have to wear a diaper in addition to this?"
"No, not with this system. Look, the urine will flow through this tube and into this bag."
Mom then shows me how this system works and I watch carefully.
"Are you ready?" she asks me.
"Ready for what?" I reply.
"To install it for you."
"But the appointment is tomorrow," I exclaim. Why do it now?"
"Because I prefer you get used to it a little before tomorrow."
"But does that mean I have to sleep with it?"
"Yes, but again, you'll see, it doesn't hurt at all."
"Go ahead then."
Still a little stressed, I follow mom's instructions to the letter. I can see that she knows what she's doing and has no doubts about how to do it. She makes me undress and lie down on her bed. I see her go to the bathroom and wash her hands carefully before unpacking the various things she bought. I don't see the rest because I prefer to close my eyes. Mom asks me to relax and I feel her cleaning my groin and genital area. She then asks me to take a deep breath, and I feel something entering my penis. I flinch slightly but mom reassures me. Less than thirty seconds later, mom tells me it's done. She was right, it didn't hurt me at all.
"You can open your eyes," she says, "it's done. You can also sit up."
"I barely felt anything," I say opening my eyes and sitting up.
I then see what mom has just done in those few seconds: a tube coming out of my penis and leading to a plastic bag placed next to me.
"It's a strange sensation," I say observing this setup.
"I've never had one myself, but I've installed many. It's generally the same thing my patients would tell me. Stand up, you'll see, it's going to be even weirder."
So I do what mom says and then I feel urine leaving my bladder and passing through the transparent tube before landing in the bag.
"It flows by itself," I say. I can't control it.
"That's normal," mom replies. "You now have a permanent urinary catheter, and when your bladder fills up, it will automatically empty into this bag through this tube. You see, it's not flowing anymore, that means your bladder has emptied. I will now attach this bag to your thigh."
I watch mom do as she said before she tells me she'll be back. I look at myself without daring to touch anything. It's so strange to see myself like this and even more so to feel this helplessness at holding back from peeing. I see a bit of urine pass through the tube once again and arrive in the bag, filling it a little more.
"There, I brought you your pajamas, you'll be more comfortable like this."
"Thank you, mom, I prefer to be in pajamas, yes."
"Thank you, Loïc. Having this accepted file is for me, for us, the beginning of a new life. And all of this wouldn't be possible without your help. I know what we're doing is not very normal, but financially, I couldn't afford to wait several months for our file to pass before others."
"I know, mom. And you know, as you said the other day, I take this as an internship. I'm happy to know what Matthias, and especially Thomas feel."
"You are a good person," mom says, hugging me.
After hugging each other for a few seconds, and after drying our tears, mom helps me put on my pajamas.
During the rest of the afternoon, I regularly feel my bladder emptying. Every now and then, I lower my pajamas and see that the urine bag has filled up to a little more than half.
"What do we do when it's full?" I ask mom.
"I'll show you later when you go to bed."
It is after dinner and a mediocre movie that was on TV that mom tells me it's time to go to bed because we have to get up for the doctor's appointment. I follow mom to the bathroom without complaining. She shows me a small tube stuck under the bag and unfolds it. She shows me a small tap to turn to empty the bag into the toilet. She does it, and I see the urine bag empty quickly into the toilet.
"Once it's empty," she says, "don't forget to close the tap so it doesn't..."
"So the pee flood won't make it to my pajamas and my bed," I continue.
"Exactly," mom replies smiling. "Come on, go to bed now."
"Is the bag bigger or smaller than my bladder?"
"Are you worried if it'll last all night? Don't worry, a child your age's bladder is about 350 ml, and this bag can hold 750. Besides, we installed your catheter in the early afternoon, and it's now 9:30 pm. It was full, so it's as if you had filled your bladder twice."
"It has a very practical side," I say. I won't need to get up tomorrow morning to go to the bathroom.
"Haha, that's true, it can be convenient. Come on, go to sleep."
"Goodnight, mom."
"Goodnight, sweetie. Sleep well."
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